The mental load of motherhood & how to reclaim balance

You can’t always see it, but most mothers feel it: the invisible weight that sits quietly behind every day. The remembering, the planning, the anticipating, the caring — it’s called the mental load, and for many women, it’s one of the heaviest parts of motherhood.

Even when you’re not physically doing all the tasks, your mind is constantly ‘on shift’: thinking ahead to dinner, the washing pile, or whose shoes no longer fit. The unseen labour of keeping everything running is a constant hum in the background that leaves mothers overstretched — even when they appear calm on the surface.

What the mental load really is

More than just multitasking, checklists and chores, it’s the cognitive and emotional work that keeps family life running smoothly: anticipating needs, planning logistics, monitoring progress, and remembering everyone’s emotional and physical well-being. It’s essentially the invisible work; due to it not being easily measured, it often goes unnoticed. Because it’s largely invisible, it often goes unrecognised — yet carrying the responsibility of “remembering everything while appearing to do it all effortlessly” can be deeply exhausting.

A recent study found that mothers carry a disproportionately large share of the load. Their share of cognitive labour is significantly higher than that of their partners and is strongly linked to increased stress, burnout, and poorer mental health.¹ The problem isn’t just the work itself — it’s the responsibility without acknowledgement or relief, which accumulates over time and can wear you down.

How carrying the load affects your body and mind

The mental load isn’t just emotional, it also has physical and neurological effects. When your mind is constantly juggling, planning, and anticipating, activate the brain’s stress centres and the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, releasing cortisol and keeping the body on high alert. Over time, this can lead to nervous system dysregulation, leaving the body stuck in survival mode.²

Chronic stress also affects the gut-brain-immune connection. Elevated stress hormones can alter gut motility and microbiota composition, contributing to digestive discomfort and inflammation.³ As inflammation increases, immune resilience can decline, meaning you pick up more bugs, take longer to recover from illness, or feel run down more often.⁴

Research shows that this mental overload affects cognition too; sustained cognitive stress can impair working memory and attention, making even simple decisions feel harder.⁵ The constant sense of vigilance can leave your brain in a loop of overactivity, while your body struggles to rest and restore. This is why many mothers describe feeling “wired but tired” — mentally racing while physically drained.

Signs your mental load may be too heavy

Sleep and restoration disruptions – when the mind remains alert, making proper rest difficult.

Your gut and digestion issues – as stress affects gut motility, barrier function and microbiota composition, you may notice changes in your gut.

Reduced immunity – you may notice that your immune system resilience is lowered. Long-term stress can impair immune function, leaving you more vulnerable to infections and inflammation.

Changes in mood and cognition – decision fatigue, mental fog, or heightened emotional reactivity may appear.

Nervous system dysregulation – instead of alternating between action and rest, your system could remain stuck in patterns of chronic strain making anxiety, exhaustion and burnout more likely.⁶

Ways to lighten the invisible weight

Name it – simply saying it out loud, recognising and talking about the mental load brings it out of the shadows.

Externalise it – writing lists, using planners or even voice notes can help to release mental clutter.

Share it – redistribute practical and emotional tasks with partners, family or friends.

Reconnect with yourself and your own rhythm – it could be as simple as 10 minutes outdoors, with your bare feet on the grass, or savouring a warm cup of tea, which can help remind your body that it’s safe to rest.

Prioritise nervous system care and regulation – practices like yoga, breathwork, and somatic movement can help reset the body from fight-or-flight mode into rest and digest, easing both physical and mental tension.

Seek community – one understanding friend, mothers’ circles or local mothers’ meets; finding connection can make a big difference. Connection regulates the nervous system and helps to lighten the emotional weight.

Motherhood isn’t meant to be a solo act. The expectation that one person can hold schedules, care, emotions, nourishment and nurturing is unrealistic and unsustainable. Recognising the mental load is sign of self-awareness and compassion — and when mothers are supported, the whole family benefits.

Where to find support

If the mental load feels unmanageable, you’re not alone. Support is available, and reaching out is a sign of strength, not failure.

Mind offers free resources and support for managing stress, anxiety and burnout – https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/side-by-side-our-online-community/
Maternal Mental Health Alliance is a charity that supports maternal mental health before, during, and after pregnancy – https://maternalmentalhealthalliance.org/
Home Start can provide practical help and emotional support for parents, and runs groups to help build connection and community – https://www.home-start.org.uk/Pages/Category/things-we-can-help-with
Gingerbread– is a national organisation offering advice and support for single parents, as well as local groups across the country – https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/find-information/
PANDAS foundation is a UK-based charity that provides free support for parents and families affected by perinatal mental illness, including prenatal and postnatal depression – https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/
Mothers for Mothers provide support in the form of peer support groups, art psychotherapy and other services designed to support the emotional wellbeing of mothers – https://mothersformothers.co.uk/